Looking Beyond a Face

July 6, 2010 by Ashley Gonzalez


The day just finished, or part of it at least, and looking at the clock I realize many of you will be worshipping, learning, and praising God tonight at Waters Edge. At this same time were all in the Heights exhausted from rounding up the last of the children and sending them home before it gets dark or handing them over to equally exhausted parents.

Day 2 with the kids was a lot better than yesterday and I must say we headed off to a great start. Yesterday night in our private, team meeting we discussed what could have gone better and how we could try various approaches in the different parts of the day to engage our groups and interact with them. To be honest, after only three days of being in New York the last thing I wanted to do this morning was get out of the bed. Simply because I was sore; and not just physically.

I woke up with aches and pains in my emotions and my Spirit that I had not really had the bittersweet pleasure of dealing with before. I may have been stubborn, ignorant, and maybe even a little heart broken now and again, but nothing, and I mean nothing, could top this. After only one day with these kids I walked away, as I’m sure everyone did, with such a deep and sincere love for these kids. A respect for how far most of them have gotten and their dreams.

So today I said, “God, please, please, let me do this in YOUR name. Let me show them to you, through me. Allow me to connect with them.”

I remembered that throughout the day in the classroom, the whole 2 hours were watching over one-hundred children in an inner city park full with strangers, as we did the activities and big ideas the team worked so long on and still keep advancing on every moment. These kids are so mature in more ways than they should be and their personalities are so strong, that as Deidrick mentioned in the Exodus devotional this morning, they are being torn in a Spiritual battle. And they do not even know it.

They fight, they argue, and boy do they have some mouths, they have these thick walls barricading any slip of emotion other than anger and annoyance and a forcefield around their minds. Or so they think. They are so strong, sometimes I think too strong because they are trying so hard at only 6-13 years old to be in complete control of their lives.

But we see the Hope and Innocence in them. We see it in their moments of laughter when they forget about other responsibilities and the fear they have when they actually voluntarily open up. They cast looks around the room as if challenging someone to criticize or oppose them when in reality they are all wondering the same things.

It was when I was sitting talking with my group of 6th grade children, putting all activities aside and delving into a conversation God prompted me into. There was one girl who talked about her home life and how she felt alone and pretty much not loved. Another talked about a girl in his class who he tries to stand up for, but often ends up on the other side joining in on the abuse, criticisms, and jokes about her. And they all started with the same phrase: “How do you expect us to…..(basically stand up and away from the crowd and stand up for the cause of righteousness)”.

I just stared at them with a smile and told them that I cared for them, and shared stories of my youth explaining the truth of their reality and how they have more than enough moments in the day to choose right and wrong. And right before we started that talk it occurred to me that I have heard so many times in the last two days do not do this/do that, that is wrong/right…but never have I heard the reasons explained to them or seen them move forward in understanding. They are stuck.

I made it a point to explain, not just demand. Their personalities, as I mentioned, are fiery and its a pleasure to be with a youth who are so passionate. They just need a direction and some help along the way.

Please pray over these kids. They are difficult at times.

Frustrating.

Argumentive.

But so extremely loving in their own way.

Expressive.

Beautiful.

And above all, they have a Hope in themselves that they try so hard not to believe in because they have been not just told, but shown, that they are to be like everyone else, when it is so clear they are called by God to change their world. Not just the Heights, but themselves, their families, and anywhere they shine their light on.